High standards

 Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why do I expect more than I may be able to give? These are the question I ask myself as I suck my thumb while laying in the tub. HaHaHa not really. Anyone who really knows me knows I don't run from a challenge-- I drive-- fast. Actually I don't. What I do do ( HeHeHe I said doo doo, that's crappy English), anyhow! Well to know why I push so hard is to know me. I mean really know me. I am high speed, and low drag. No place for second-best. First off why I am this way is simply because I am trying to prove to my past that I am worthy of a future filled with happiness and promise. There are so many ghosts I am trying to exorcise, but it is hard to do. These ghosts range from the bullies I had experienced through school to the girl I knew I loved, but couldn't have. Along with the women I knew I didn't love yet kept going for even though they treated me like a bank and taxi service. All theses anchors have been weighing me down for far to long so it is precisely that reason why I run hard. Of course I have always been an animal. What I mean by that is I have always marched by my own beat (Which is the sound of a drum set falling down the stairs). As I got older I was experiencing a slow awakening if you will. In my late teens and early 20's I was a beer drinking machine. I wasn't a rowdy drunk. Make no mistake I would get rowdy, but in a funny life of the party type ROWDY (of which I can do almost at will with\without alcohol now). Thinking back now I realize that all my energy was in self-destruction due to the fact I felt like shit about myself, and my high energy out-put. That is precisely the reason I got in to the car that fateful night on the 8th of June back in 2003. That was the night my essence would die and be re-born. I remember very little of my life before that evening, but everything after has been a revelation. I had to re-learn how to walk, and go to the bathroom. That was a battlefield pock-marked with adversity that I met head-on. After I got out of the hospital I was fired up to get back to work. It took a while, but I was there on a part-time basis. Finally after enough time I was let go. After that I wasn't able to find a replacement job. No one wanted to hire a cripple. Now I see now that was basically a grossly simplistic way of looking at things. Oh sure! that was the reason for a few places, but I can't blame them; after all I am a liability. It was here that I had reached my lowest. I was finally figuring it all out. I was a cripple that no one wanted anything to do with either professionally, or romantically. I had basically shut down the trying machine. Now cut to a few years later I get hooked up a friend of mine, and we start taking this career readiness class in 2012. That was when I made my way back to scholastic life. Which has opened my eyes wide to a whole cornucopia of possibilities. I now find myself thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. That is why I feel I need to run hard as I do because I want my accident, and the shit I went through to get back on my feet to not only mean something, but inspire. Who I want it to inspire basically is everyone who reads this, but most importantly my niece and nephews. I want them to know that anything is possible so long as you have the right frame of mind, and the ability to ask for help. So now that you have read this, please go out and the things you want to do in life. DO NOTLET ANYONE STOP YOU! SAY ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY! LOVE WHOMEVER YOU WANT TO LOVE! BE HAPPY IN WHATEVER YOUR CHOICES MAY BE! AND ONE LAST THING NEVER LOOK BACK WITH REGRETS. Your past has made you the wonderful person you are today. Well my friends again I say to be good, but if that is an impossibility then the least you can do is be good at it. Later Gators. Oh! one last thing before I go if those special few of you who are following this blog please spread the word. I give pearls of wisdom with a funny twist. C-YA

Something hit me tonight

 I am just getting home from the CCV, and I am in down-hard mode. It is usually this time of day when I start to compute the data of the day findings. I recall my time at work today which was for intensive purposes an OK kind of day I suppose. The newest assistant manager was the opener. Now this guy is basically a fuck-up. He messes up; which in it's own right is OK, but he gets so distraught he literally work himself into a lather. This woman was returning this item that was not right or broken-- I don't know! Anyhow this guy knows we exchange product for product, yet he again starts trying to give her the dollar back. Now usually I don't give a shit. It's a dollar! Who cares? Anyhow it is company policy so no cash refunds. I shot around right quick, because I have had it with his doing things wrong. I politely say no refunds ma'am I am sorry, but we will replace the item with a new one. I bet the only thing that could ever have burned his ass any worse than that would be a 3 foot flame. Oh well its a moot point now. OK enough of the bad shit lets get to the good shit now.  I was at CCV working on algebra. (psssst! algebra sucks). Anyhow where were we? Ah yes algebra! Well I was in the learning center working when all of a sudden the peer tutor who was on duty had mentioned how I have a unique way of writing and speaking. She even had asked another girl who was in our same class last semester something along the lines of "you remember?" Meghan the girls studying said "oh yeah!" Now here I am hearing something others have told me for years. Except these were people who have only known me a short-time, and they were interested in what I had to say. Funny all this time, and all these years I have been kidding myself about being forgettable. It isn't easy for me to accept sometimes because I have let a lot of people pound it into my head that I am a worthless piece of shit not deserving of anything good in my life. I am now remembering the fire I once had to spit in the face of adversity, and with my old/new friends I can shape events around me. OK enough of the good shit lets talk about some funny shit. I have a lot of down time, and when I get a chance I think of a wide-range of things for instance I am a history buff. I had a thought the other day when my friend had ripped a fart that would have ended his marriage had he been married. This was a stout one. The kind of fart that would gag a maggot off a pile of guts. were talking a flock of birds over-head had just died. When was the first fart joke? Who was the first to say "hey pull my finger." Or even picture this. A group of ancient people sitting around a fire in their cave cooking up some mammoth burgers, and someone lets out an S.B.D (silent but deadly). I mean something had to have made them laugh. I know odd right. Well that's me ODD. Well there it is. I have bitched, talked about a revelation, and mentioned a funny. It is a good day to be alive. Now remember kids too be good, but if you can't then at least be good at it so you can have a kick-ass story for later days. Later Gators

My day typical as it is

So today I was at work and I had an incident. At my job we as cashiers have to ask our customers if they would like to buy this weekly product. Now that is exactly what I did. The product of the week was a two pack LED tea-light candles. When I asked her I had said was" would you like to buy a 2 pack of LED tea-lights for a dollar." She had said yes! She 6then took a look at the package, and then asked me where the other package of the 2 was once the transaction is complete. I proceeded to tell her that by 2 pack I obviously meant that there was 2 in the package, and she then gets all huffy, and starts to run her mouth wanting a refund for $1.06. Although that was upsetting to me, that wasn't what pissed me off. What did it was the fact that this woman had strongly implied that I had misrepresented the product. I had basically told her whatever, and let my manager deal with it

  Algebra! What a mother-bruncher that is! I'm tellin you the guy or guys who invented it had better hope time travel is invented because will rumble if they do. All hardships about Algebra aside; I'm doing pretty good. That's because of Kim my teacher, and my classmates are some of the best people. We all care about how each other is doing, and help each other through tough spots. Weird as it may sound, but it kind of makes me think of the great days of Socrates, Aristotle, and the other greats thinkers of the past people coming together for the strict purpose of learning. Is just awesome to me. To think is to be. I enjoy using my head for more than a hat rest. I really dig breaking a mental sweat. Well my friends that is all for now. Remember be good and if that's not possible then be good at it. Later Gators.

 So here I am finally passed the cross-roads, and am moving forward in my life. I have begun my collegiate career, and luckily for me there are great instructors like Lava, Bruce, Roger, and Kim to help me through these tumultuous waters of college. I also wouldn't be able to do this thing if it weren't for the wonderful people in the learning center Tracy, Justina, Margaret, and Adam. With all their help I am able to relax, and do excellent work. they really make me look good.. If not for these great people CCV would be buying more chairs to replace the ones that have asshole sized bites out of the cushions.
 I have also begun to look into buying a home of my own, but before I jump into it I am going to take a home-buying seminar at the Central Vermont Community Land Trust. This seminar will help me understand more about the home buying process. For me the life and times of an animal are not coming to a close, but evolving. I am morphing into the man I want to be; with any luck the man I want to be will finally merit me finding the woman I want to spend all time with. Well I guess that is about all I got for my first post, but believe me there will be more. I hope I end up having a following because I have some great things in  store for me to share. Okie dokie my friends I am out of here, so wish me luck for the future. Before I go remember to be good, but if you can't be good then at least be good at it. Later Gators