Blah Blah Blah

     I believe the modern Christmas truly is just for kids, as it should be. I am all for a childhood to be as car-free as possible. However for adults Christmas should turn into a feeling—as opposed to being a time of materialistically getting presents. This feeling inside should make us as conscious beings if for no other time than just one single day a year—feel like being a little bit nicer, or happier, or just down right more decent all around. Forget all the political and religious mumbo jumbo bullshit that is choking life right out of existence. I wish just for one day, people would look over their fences, and say “hello neighbor we can pick up sticks against one another tomorrow, but for today let us laugh, and breathe an easy sigh of relief because we made it here today to enjoy today.” ‘Let tomorrow go in whatever direction today could take us.’ Sad really!

     Here I am 35 years old, and I am yet again going to spend another well Christmas has come and gone, but here it is New Years, and I am again going to be alone, with no money to go out—no want to either. No special someone to ring in the new year with by choosing to be with that one person you want to have there with you the very minute things start over, and become refreshed in this new born of a year. Either with a kiss or—makin the sheets sing—I am more than hopeful next New Year’s Eve my sheets will be regular opera singers. (HAHAHA!)

An old friend of mine from high school messaged me a while ago saying “my daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies would I want some.” My first thought is of course “if her daughter is selling these cookies then why didn’t her daughter make the sales pitch.” I mean come on let her get all “Billy Mays,” on me, and make a sale. When I was a kid I remember my school was selling Rainforest Crunch which was a peanut brittle I think. I just know it sucked carrying it, and tasted like shit. If a kid pawned enough of this garbage off then they could win some useless hunk of shit thing they would never use. Like one of the “prizes” offered was a double plastic ball clacker thing. A person takes this fucking thing waves it up and down like a fucking asshole just to hear the balls go clack, clack, clack—another prize was this bright neon yellow fanny pack. Now fanny packs blew up at this time, and I wanted me that some bitch. So I schlep that crap up and down my ginormous hill, but it was a prize for attaining a set goal, and I wanted them—so I did it.

    After I finally decided on what cookies I wanted to get we had talked a few minutes, and caught up. Finally we said goodbye, and proceeded to stop talking; all of a sudden she messages me back, and said “ask people at work and other people u know please and ty.” I see that, and I automatically think “now you want me to sell your daughters cookies? Pshhh get the fuck out of here!” So if anyone wants any just let me know—so I can tell her! HaHaHaHa NOT!

Live to learn

     I am enjoying my experiences during my college life, hoever, There is one thing I don't like, and that is how a person needs to specialize in one thing. I myself am so curious in a wide range of subjects. Too many in fact to name. I tell you if I could just sped the rest of my life learning everything that interested me I would consider that a life well spent, and fulfilled.
      Everytime I see something interesting enough to want to know more I try to immerse myself in the subject right next to a trained individual. For instance I have always wanted to know how to do auto body work, and asked a friend who does it for a living if he would want to train me. Sadly he refused, all because his brother had worked for him, and then later left, so he said he wouldn't waste his time ever again. I told him I wouldn't waste his time, but he still refused. Sure I watch YouTube videos on different things, but most videos are real short, and don't give much instruction.
      I am thinking of starting a page on Facebook to try and introduce people who know things with people who want to know things. Of course it would all be free. My hopes in doing this would not only be to meet interesting new people, but to curb my insatiable hunger for knowledge. I really do not want to waste the back half of my life; the front was a big enough waste to last 5 life times.
      Who knows if I will get to learn the things I want to, but it should be an interesting ride. Wish me luck.

Yester year

 I wish it were a hundred or so years ago long before there were computers, and ginormous conglomerates and big business. The reason i wish such and ignorant thought is because if I were alive back then as ambitious as i am, and as hungry both literally and figuratively as I am I would quickly rise to the top of anything I put my mind to. Now since I live in this modern shangri-La shit-hole-- I can't do shit. No one will hire me for anything other than cashier work, and I am a hell of a lot better than that. Now don't get me wrong being a cashier is good honest work work, but it is no challenge for me, I am unstimulated by it. At one time i was the workinest fool you ever knew. I had two jobs before I was hurt. I was never happier than I was back then. Ever since I became disabled I have had to work smarter, not harder, but how can I do that though? I need a job that isn't very physically taxing. I have resume's out there, yet nothing. The most important thing the work I get needs to be part time so I can continue my education. Getting my degree is so important-- probably the most important thing I will ever do in my life. I am struggling way too hard. I need something good to happen soon. I CANNOT work retail anymore. Hopefully the universe will cough something up for me-- I am so hurtin for certain. Throw me a frickin bone will you please! I have re-tuned my resume to show I am in school, and how I am on the community of student representatives, to show I like doing things for the betterment of others; plus I am able to work as a team. I have even gone as far as to ask my professors to right letters of recommendation. I have even joined a site called Linkdin all in the hopes of catching some employers eye enough to say "hell yeah a guy like you we could use." Nothing so far. Oh well! who knows what the future holds! I just hope whatever it is will happen sooner, rather than later.

ACCUPLACER

Here I am a mere 2 weeks away from finishing another semester of college. In my English composition class I am doing pretty good so I am not at all worried about that. I, however have been having serious doubts about my algebra skills. Knowing I will have to put up, or shut up in the last class, because we have to take the accuplacer. I decided to take it today ahead of time. Now as I said I been kind of nervous about this. I had told myself last night im going to do well, and even did it this morning right when i woke up. I listened to awesome music riding down to CCV. The whole time I am also saying "I am going to get a 64." I sat down, and took it nice and slow. Now I did actually guess on a few questions, but I must have gotten most right. I finished up, and I asked the nice lady "what number am I shooting for?" She replied "56" I look at my score and it was 79. CHALLENGE COMPLETED!!! WHATS NEXT????

Ferris wheels

Will someone please tell me why we as a people still enjoy ferris wheels? To me they are way out-dated. I mean who gives a shit about going in a giant circle buckled into a basket. I could see if the thing was to go super fast, but it barely goes what-- a blistering 3 miles an hour. Whoa! break out the five point harness's and crash helmets. Now I completely understand it being the hottest friggin thing around a hundred or so years ago when the coolest thing around was a trains and going to flicker shows. People please get with the new century, and find something that can actually entertain instead of bore you into a coma. AHHH! I think I have it! Maybe what the allure of this contraption at first was that it was a thrill-ride of sorts. By that I mean the first ferris wheels were made of wood. Now I don't know about you, but the mere thought of being any distance in the air, least of all in a WOODEN BASKET-- Well I have to tell you I get so puckered-- I pinch cotton! Picture it if you will figure this thing is new, but with everything new, and exciting-- It gets well used. On top of that little factoid, how about the fact that when they in there beginning stages ,were made out of wood. Now your on your way up in the air you and maybe a lover. Ok now your almost to the top, and you here this god awful creaking and cracking coming from your little gondola. You then stop doing everything including breathing-- hell!  one good fart that gondola could come apart on you, and you plummet to your death. Maybe that was the mystique of it at first. Now all it is is something if your high enough you can see the one thing you try your hardest to get away from-- your house!. Oh well I just don't get it, but maybe I'm not supposed to. Oh well! that's about all for now. More to come later. Remember to be good, but when that fails just go ahead and be good at whatever it is..

Where is all the original thought these days

 I have been sitting here reading news from yahoo as I usually do when I am bored, and I have come to find out that there are going to be some re-makes of certain movies and television shows. One such re-make is one of my all time favorite movie from when I was a kid-- ROBOCOP. Now that to me is sacrilege. I say that because it was the right time for that movie back when I was a kid. A few other re-makes on the verge of creation are Murder She Wrote (my grandmother in her grave if she knew that, and if she did we could sell tickets to that show) Anyhow! The Flash is another show they are remaking. I remember watching this show as a kid and even at that young tender age I remember it being a turd! Wonder woman is also a show they intend on remaking, again like the flash it wasn't that good the first time around-- Although Wonder Woman was kind of good, but only because there were only 3 channels. Now there are a few others that escape my brain right now, but I can tell you that when I saw the names all I could say was "what the fuck" while vigorously shaking my head in disgust. I mean where is all the creativity these days? Do these movie studio's  not have a creative bone left in their body? I say no! Everything these days is all about the bottom line. They just want to find some kind of feces to smear on the screen, throw a ton of advertisement between the show breaks, and just watch the money roll in. Doesn't anyone have an original idea anymore. Oh boy what to do. Oh well I guess I have ranted enough for today. goodbye for now my followers. Remember to be good, but if you can't then be good at it. Later Taters

Unleash the anger

Ok my devoted followers I am going to unleash some venom. Now I this poison is most definitely going to be directed towards my employer. Now by employer I am talking about The Dollar Tree corporate, and all the bullshit they are. I have been working as a cashier for those fuckers for almost two years now. I should have gotten a raise for my one year anniversary, but they figured a way to fuck me. What they did was this-- The state of Vermont raised the minimum wage, and Dollar Tree called that my raise. Now my manager had taken notice that I am a valued employee, and he put me in for a merit raise back in July. Now I was happy to hear that, because I have never gotten a raise due to my workmanship. Knowing I had become a valued employee  made me excited. I believe if your a hard-worker then you should be paid accordingly. This is where my poison cursor kicks in. The fucking company had said I would receive a quarter. Now that isn't much; however I was good with it. Now comes the venom! These fucking scumbag poop bastards gave me my raise alright. I only got fifteen cents of my twenty-five. Now so much for the appreciation for the extreme pain I go through to offer superb service to my customers. Just today I heard from many of my customers, and they had said I am always kind, courteous, and very respectful. Most enjoy my witty banter, and polite repartee. So now that I have been slapped in the face-- fuck em. I will be looking for a new job. With any luck I will land some type of office job so I won't have to break my ass like I do. I hope this gets to the right people, and policy changes. A person should never get fucked like that while having clothes on. I gotta say those fuckers are really lucky I need that job to show employment for a home loan other-wise hasta la bye bye-- see you fuckers never. Well anyhow I think that is all the rant I got in me right now. Oh well so shall it be... for now! Well my friends again I stress being good, but if the urges become to much then the least you can do is be very good at it. "What it is! What it was! What it shall be" (Adrian Cronauer) (Good Morning Vietnam)

High standards

 Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why do I expect more than I may be able to give? These are the question I ask myself as I suck my thumb while laying in the tub. HaHaHa not really. Anyone who really knows me knows I don't run from a challenge-- I drive-- fast. Actually I don't. What I do do ( HeHeHe I said doo doo, that's crappy English), anyhow! Well to know why I push so hard is to know me. I mean really know me. I am high speed, and low drag. No place for second-best. First off why I am this way is simply because I am trying to prove to my past that I am worthy of a future filled with happiness and promise. There are so many ghosts I am trying to exorcise, but it is hard to do. These ghosts range from the bullies I had experienced through school to the girl I knew I loved, but couldn't have. Along with the women I knew I didn't love yet kept going for even though they treated me like a bank and taxi service. All theses anchors have been weighing me down for far to long so it is precisely that reason why I run hard. Of course I have always been an animal. What I mean by that is I have always marched by my own beat (Which is the sound of a drum set falling down the stairs). As I got older I was experiencing a slow awakening if you will. In my late teens and early 20's I was a beer drinking machine. I wasn't a rowdy drunk. Make no mistake I would get rowdy, but in a funny life of the party type ROWDY (of which I can do almost at will with\without alcohol now). Thinking back now I realize that all my energy was in self-destruction due to the fact I felt like shit about myself, and my high energy out-put. That is precisely the reason I got in to the car that fateful night on the 8th of June back in 2003. That was the night my essence would die and be re-born. I remember very little of my life before that evening, but everything after has been a revelation. I had to re-learn how to walk, and go to the bathroom. That was a battlefield pock-marked with adversity that I met head-on. After I got out of the hospital I was fired up to get back to work. It took a while, but I was there on a part-time basis. Finally after enough time I was let go. After that I wasn't able to find a replacement job. No one wanted to hire a cripple. Now I see now that was basically a grossly simplistic way of looking at things. Oh sure! that was the reason for a few places, but I can't blame them; after all I am a liability. It was here that I had reached my lowest. I was finally figuring it all out. I was a cripple that no one wanted anything to do with either professionally, or romantically. I had basically shut down the trying machine. Now cut to a few years later I get hooked up a friend of mine, and we start taking this career readiness class in 2012. That was when I made my way back to scholastic life. Which has opened my eyes wide to a whole cornucopia of possibilities. I now find myself thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. That is why I feel I need to run hard as I do because I want my accident, and the shit I went through to get back on my feet to not only mean something, but inspire. Who I want it to inspire basically is everyone who reads this, but most importantly my niece and nephews. I want them to know that anything is possible so long as you have the right frame of mind, and the ability to ask for help. So now that you have read this, please go out and the things you want to do in life. DO NOTLET ANYONE STOP YOU! SAY ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY! LOVE WHOMEVER YOU WANT TO LOVE! BE HAPPY IN WHATEVER YOUR CHOICES MAY BE! AND ONE LAST THING NEVER LOOK BACK WITH REGRETS. Your past has made you the wonderful person you are today. Well my friends again I say to be good, but if that is an impossibility then the least you can do is be good at it. Later Gators. Oh! one last thing before I go if those special few of you who are following this blog please spread the word. I give pearls of wisdom with a funny twist. C-YA

Something hit me tonight

 I am just getting home from the CCV, and I am in down-hard mode. It is usually this time of day when I start to compute the data of the day findings. I recall my time at work today which was for intensive purposes an OK kind of day I suppose. The newest assistant manager was the opener. Now this guy is basically a fuck-up. He messes up; which in it's own right is OK, but he gets so distraught he literally work himself into a lather. This woman was returning this item that was not right or broken-- I don't know! Anyhow this guy knows we exchange product for product, yet he again starts trying to give her the dollar back. Now usually I don't give a shit. It's a dollar! Who cares? Anyhow it is company policy so no cash refunds. I shot around right quick, because I have had it with his doing things wrong. I politely say no refunds ma'am I am sorry, but we will replace the item with a new one. I bet the only thing that could ever have burned his ass any worse than that would be a 3 foot flame. Oh well its a moot point now. OK enough of the bad shit lets get to the good shit now.  I was at CCV working on algebra. (psssst! algebra sucks). Anyhow where were we? Ah yes algebra! Well I was in the learning center working when all of a sudden the peer tutor who was on duty had mentioned how I have a unique way of writing and speaking. She even had asked another girl who was in our same class last semester something along the lines of "you remember?" Meghan the girls studying said "oh yeah!" Now here I am hearing something others have told me for years. Except these were people who have only known me a short-time, and they were interested in what I had to say. Funny all this time, and all these years I have been kidding myself about being forgettable. It isn't easy for me to accept sometimes because I have let a lot of people pound it into my head that I am a worthless piece of shit not deserving of anything good in my life. I am now remembering the fire I once had to spit in the face of adversity, and with my old/new friends I can shape events around me. OK enough of the good shit lets talk about some funny shit. I have a lot of down time, and when I get a chance I think of a wide-range of things for instance I am a history buff. I had a thought the other day when my friend had ripped a fart that would have ended his marriage had he been married. This was a stout one. The kind of fart that would gag a maggot off a pile of guts. were talking a flock of birds over-head had just died. When was the first fart joke? Who was the first to say "hey pull my finger." Or even picture this. A group of ancient people sitting around a fire in their cave cooking up some mammoth burgers, and someone lets out an S.B.D (silent but deadly). I mean something had to have made them laugh. I know odd right. Well that's me ODD. Well there it is. I have bitched, talked about a revelation, and mentioned a funny. It is a good day to be alive. Now remember kids too be good, but if you can't then at least be good at it so you can have a kick-ass story for later days. Later Gators

My day typical as it is

So today I was at work and I had an incident. At my job we as cashiers have to ask our customers if they would like to buy this weekly product. Now that is exactly what I did. The product of the week was a two pack LED tea-light candles. When I asked her I had said was" would you like to buy a 2 pack of LED tea-lights for a dollar." She had said yes! She 6then took a look at the package, and then asked me where the other package of the 2 was once the transaction is complete. I proceeded to tell her that by 2 pack I obviously meant that there was 2 in the package, and she then gets all huffy, and starts to run her mouth wanting a refund for $1.06. Although that was upsetting to me, that wasn't what pissed me off. What did it was the fact that this woman had strongly implied that I had misrepresented the product. I had basically told her whatever, and let my manager deal with it

  Algebra! What a mother-bruncher that is! I'm tellin you the guy or guys who invented it had better hope time travel is invented because will rumble if they do. All hardships about Algebra aside; I'm doing pretty good. That's because of Kim my teacher, and my classmates are some of the best people. We all care about how each other is doing, and help each other through tough spots. Weird as it may sound, but it kind of makes me think of the great days of Socrates, Aristotle, and the other greats thinkers of the past people coming together for the strict purpose of learning. Is just awesome to me. To think is to be. I enjoy using my head for more than a hat rest. I really dig breaking a mental sweat. Well my friends that is all for now. Remember be good and if that's not possible then be good at it. Later Gators.

 So here I am finally passed the cross-roads, and am moving forward in my life. I have begun my collegiate career, and luckily for me there are great instructors like Lava, Bruce, Roger, and Kim to help me through these tumultuous waters of college. I also wouldn't be able to do this thing if it weren't for the wonderful people in the learning center Tracy, Justina, Margaret, and Adam. With all their help I am able to relax, and do excellent work. they really make me look good.. If not for these great people CCV would be buying more chairs to replace the ones that have asshole sized bites out of the cushions.
 I have also begun to look into buying a home of my own, but before I jump into it I am going to take a home-buying seminar at the Central Vermont Community Land Trust. This seminar will help me understand more about the home buying process. For me the life and times of an animal are not coming to a close, but evolving. I am morphing into the man I want to be; with any luck the man I want to be will finally merit me finding the woman I want to spend all time with. Well I guess that is about all I got for my first post, but believe me there will be more. I hope I end up having a following because I have some great things in  store for me to share. Okie dokie my friends I am out of here, so wish me luck for the future. Before I go remember to be good, but if you can't be good then at least be good at it. Later Gators