High standards

 Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Why do I expect more than I may be able to give? These are the question I ask myself as I suck my thumb while laying in the tub. HaHaHa not really. Anyone who really knows me knows I don't run from a challenge-- I drive-- fast. Actually I don't. What I do do ( HeHeHe I said doo doo, that's crappy English), anyhow! Well to know why I push so hard is to know me. I mean really know me. I am high speed, and low drag. No place for second-best. First off why I am this way is simply because I am trying to prove to my past that I am worthy of a future filled with happiness and promise. There are so many ghosts I am trying to exorcise, but it is hard to do. These ghosts range from the bullies I had experienced through school to the girl I knew I loved, but couldn't have. Along with the women I knew I didn't love yet kept going for even though they treated me like a bank and taxi service. All theses anchors have been weighing me down for far to long so it is precisely that reason why I run hard. Of course I have always been an animal. What I mean by that is I have always marched by my own beat (Which is the sound of a drum set falling down the stairs). As I got older I was experiencing a slow awakening if you will. In my late teens and early 20's I was a beer drinking machine. I wasn't a rowdy drunk. Make no mistake I would get rowdy, but in a funny life of the party type ROWDY (of which I can do almost at will with\without alcohol now). Thinking back now I realize that all my energy was in self-destruction due to the fact I felt like shit about myself, and my high energy out-put. That is precisely the reason I got in to the car that fateful night on the 8th of June back in 2003. That was the night my essence would die and be re-born. I remember very little of my life before that evening, but everything after has been a revelation. I had to re-learn how to walk, and go to the bathroom. That was a battlefield pock-marked with adversity that I met head-on. After I got out of the hospital I was fired up to get back to work. It took a while, but I was there on a part-time basis. Finally after enough time I was let go. After that I wasn't able to find a replacement job. No one wanted to hire a cripple. Now I see now that was basically a grossly simplistic way of looking at things. Oh sure! that was the reason for a few places, but I can't blame them; after all I am a liability. It was here that I had reached my lowest. I was finally figuring it all out. I was a cripple that no one wanted anything to do with either professionally, or romantically. I had basically shut down the trying machine. Now cut to a few years later I get hooked up a friend of mine, and we start taking this career readiness class in 2012. That was when I made my way back to scholastic life. Which has opened my eyes wide to a whole cornucopia of possibilities. I now find myself thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. That is why I feel I need to run hard as I do because I want my accident, and the shit I went through to get back on my feet to not only mean something, but inspire. Who I want it to inspire basically is everyone who reads this, but most importantly my niece and nephews. I want them to know that anything is possible so long as you have the right frame of mind, and the ability to ask for help. So now that you have read this, please go out and the things you want to do in life. DO NOTLET ANYONE STOP YOU! SAY ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY! LOVE WHOMEVER YOU WANT TO LOVE! BE HAPPY IN WHATEVER YOUR CHOICES MAY BE! AND ONE LAST THING NEVER LOOK BACK WITH REGRETS. Your past has made you the wonderful person you are today. Well my friends again I say to be good, but if that is an impossibility then the least you can do is be good at it. Later Gators. Oh! one last thing before I go if those special few of you who are following this blog please spread the word. I give pearls of wisdom with a funny twist. C-YA